To the Everwood’s…May you Stand Tall There…For All Time…

I went to see my favorite tree last night…to perform my full-moon ritual…and she was gone.  Just uplifted dirt, a few of her limb’s  and the base of her trunk remained.  I have gone to her many times over the last few year’s…she lived in a secluded reserve…a native tree to my country…a Pohutukawa Tree.

I started to shake and cry.  I stood for ten minutes feeling my pain then I thought…no.  I am not going to approach her in sadness…I am going to perform a ritual and give thank’s for her life.  I wiped away my last tear, gathered my emotion’s and walked up to her…I swept away the dirt and made her pretty…I put candles all around her trunk -base and the flower’s and fruit that I had brought I placed upon her with gentle purpose. I gathered the saw dust and arranged it like hair and placed her branches close by her side.  I stroked her remains with all my Earth-Mother might. I kept telling her that I loved her…over and over.  I made a connection…to ALL trees…to ALL The Fallen Ones.  To every creature who has ever ‘come home’ to find their Tree Mother gone. The Moon shone down upon us and as I lifted my face to Her I asked Her to come to us…to cloak us…to hold us in her Light.  I then stood to my feet and performed my ritual…the word’s came from my lip’s…but I feel that it was not I who invented them to be spoken…I felt humbled by this beyond measure.

I have been in a daze today. Very quiet. Last night was life-changing…as in…I have changed because of what took place.  On the one hand I don’t what it all mean’s but I DO know for certain that the purpose to the rest of my life…the key to it…was revealed and presented itself to me…clearly.  What I do with this ‘key’, where I take it, what I find to ‘unlock’…well I guess that part is up to me…all I know…is that it was one of the most sacred night’s of my life…and I am beyond grateful…

Blessed Be to One and ALL….your loving Miss Moonsparkle xxx Always…

ME AND THE FOREST AND THE FOREST AND ME

I am so darn happy I could go to a forest and hug sixty tree’s! Whoa there Tonto….wait…I did already!

I am not a one-way-or-no-way kinda being….I have a HUGE respect for the big ol wide gambit of ALL creature’s…everything under the Sun and Moon and everything beyond them….whoever you are…whatever you believe in…I am only ever going to come at ya in LOVE.  If your a mean person who does mean thing’s intentionally to creature’s then I am not going to align myself with you but I will always ask the Universe…ALL the Higher Power’s to ‘go to you now’ to give you Medicine….in which ever way ‘they’ see fit…I will always pray ‘For the Highest Good of ALL’…if I don’t understand, if I am confused to the point of numbness…then I have to ‘hand it over and UP’….in the name of Love.

I have stopped falling down the rabbit-hole…those last few months….ew!…ME NOT LIKE! Well lets face it…change is always only going to be comfortable or wet-socks kinda torrential… Well in that case I had wet hair, wet pants, and mascara melted into my cheek-bones…my heart was all raw and weepy and when I looked into the mirror I saw like a 100 year old Death-Metal-Band- member version of my Mother starring back at me…(you know what I mean Ma…stress is a tad aging and um….visually concerning.)

I really am in a new Wonderland…feeling much better and then some!  Not wanting to blow my own pan-pipe or anything but the other day a sparrow flew onto my lap in the forest and stayed there twittering beautifully to me for like 45 seconds or so…as he hopped up and down my legs two Fan-Tails fluttered with gusto about my head!…I was hoping that the tree in front of me would take -on an Ent-like disposition and start dancing with me to a Florence And The Machine track but I was more than happy with the bird who mistook me for Snow White.

The photo is me…and this palm-to-palm pose is what I do now when…I need to focus and be grateful…to give thank’s and to set an intention.  Yep I went through an ew-patch but….its passed…they always do sweety’s…and hey I know there will be another tricky time in the future…that ‘s the ol life-trip deal…but for now I am thankful for The Lesson…LIFE IS MAGICAL…and I’m flowing with The Go….xxx

The Cats out of the Bag

Hi Moonbeams.  So I am still in the in-between. Living out of the suitcase.  Still trying to find a nest for The Angel Child and myself.  Grateful for the thing’s I DO have though at the beginning and at the end of each day. I am experiencing a lot of block’s….there isn’t ‘flow’ flowing….and um…that I am figuring that that is down to me with a little ‘wait a minute’ thrown in there from The Universe…

Where I am staying there is a cat.  Poor poppet…she was a feral rescue cat and she has the personality of a Tasmanian Devil.  She’s cute when she’s asleep kinda thing.  I call her Happy. When you name a thing sometimes miracles can happen etc etc.  Anyhoo…in the room I am in…that has 942 of my belongings piled in with me….there is the bed in the far corner.  She has taken to sleeping on it…and um…throws her jaw open and spits and hisses whenever I get near.  She usually sleeps on the top of the bed but this morning I went to get a cup of tea then came back to bedroom, threw the cover back and she launched herself at me like….well….something that was NOT ‘happy’.  On another occasion she stood behind the net curtain on the window sill looking like the Bride of Frankenstein…I thought she looked quite beautiful and the sound that she was able to produce without moving her lip’s moved me, in as much as…that I felt compelled to leave the room post haste.  Last night my little dog and I were sleeping…(yes we managed to claim the bed! Happy wasn’t there! Oh the relief!!) I was dozing off turned over and her shadow was this time on the outside of the window back-lit by the street-light’s…The song Memories from Cat’s came to mind…perhaps sung by Marilyn Manson rather than Elaine Page….

My point is…through all this transition and all the icky roller-coastery bit’s that go with, Happy the cat has made me laugh. As scare-bear as she is she claim’s her life and her position with the utmost of all certainty….she makes her boundaries CLEAR and….has a gift for creatively coming up with how to scare the beejeez out of me two or three times a day… I wont forget her when I’ve gone…even though I am sure she will be pleased to see the back of me and my side-kick canine….blessssssssss.xx

Mamma says…’Rise and Shine….NOW’!

I am soooo grateful to that retrograde storm that crashed through my life a few weeks back.  I felt the Goddess Kali around me like a cruel-to-be-kind Mother she came in shrilling, tongue out, eyes glaring telling me to WAKE UP CHILD! WAKE UP FROM YOUR IGNORANT SLEEP! AWAKEN AT ONCE!  She demonstrates no mercy when she wants you to see what she wants you to see…I remember going to the mirror in my bathroom and looking deep into my eyes and gasping….I saw ‘the truth’ staring back at me…it was almost like an out-of-body type of thing, I had split into two, I was looking at myself as another person…it was one of the most surreal moments of my life….it was almost like my soul, my Higher Self was staring back at Tracey the Human Being and in that moment I was confronted by all that I had created for her in this lifetime….the good the bad and the otherwise. I was hiding.  Hiding behind the day-to-day stuff, ‘acting’ as if everything was just peachy.  I heard Freddy Mercury sing out “Oh yes I’m the great pretender….’ on the radio a day or two before my ‘awakening’ and I had to turn it off as the anger it brought up in me…..it was so telling.

I have packed a bag and left a thing.  I have left an energy not akin to the essence of my own.  I have put the lie down called it a lesson and walked away with my head to the sun even though my heart felt battered and bruised by a darkened night…a mis-guided chapter or two that I had purposely written in secret invisible ink.

There are people today who have limited or no freedom to choose….there are people on our earth today who are too afraid to make a decision for their highest good and so tonight will close their eyes and awaken to the same reality tomorrow. I am so conscious of these human being’s at this time….they are in my thoughts and prayers 24/7 it seems…I am so blessed to be in the position of choice, reflection and healing….I am so blessed to have friends. I am so blessed. I remember getting a class full of children to show me what freedom looked like and they all just started laughing and twirling and rolling on the floor and tickling and hugging each other. Beautiful.xxxx

Murky Merc…the Torch In Your Face Planet

Oh my Mercury Moonbeam’s of Retro FullMoony….Ness!!! Is everyone ok?!! Got any denial happening? Any issues that have been in your tissues that should of left the building with Elvis year’s ago?MMMM? How bout any relationship’s that are full of funk and gunk and vampire teeth that are still hanging around your neck like a necklace made from bulldozer chain?  Never fear my twinkle-star’s because I know just the thing that will clear those thing’s up in the blink of a crossed, bloodshot eyeball….it’s called a retrograde glass of whiskey with full-moonbeam shots added for extra……….zip. (oh…maybe I should of used a more health conscious smoothie as my drink of example….meh….)

I sure have been feeling my karma.  I wonder if you have been experiencing a little torch -of -truth shinning in your eyes too?

For a couple of day’s I felt a situation (in my life) building…a situation that needed to explode in hindsight as I was just plain out-right IGNORING what I knew had to be done….and as we know sweetheart’s…when we keep ignoring The Universe’s messages…I don’t even have to finish that sentence…you know the deal.

If you find yourself in deep, reflective-intense water at this time…I know its cold…I know its dark..but put your palms together or open your arm’s wide…and look down…your in it only waste deep…there is still air flowing in and out of your lung’s…your ok.  Pray it up. Chant it out. Look around you. Feel the good the bad and the unidentified….acknowledge it all be GRATEFUL for it ALL…yeah tough…especially when your looking at the scarier bits….but if you acknowledge, then and only then can you truely go forwards with the sorting….the releasing…and the loving yourself anyways steps that follow on. Don’t be afraid to spend time in THAT water…(yes I know you forgot to take your robe off before you entered and it’s clinging like co-dependent kelp to your flawless body but it add’s to the moonlit look me think’s)….The Universe….Love’s you…to your soul and back…wants you to have your BEST life…so come on now…remember to attend to your garden when the weed’s are starting to come through rather than when they are are spreading out of control and restricting your precious life-force energy….

I love you Moonbeam’s.  Don’t forget…..to love you too…..xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ONE MOMENT PLEASE. OH. UM…MAKE THAT FIVE.

I’ve taken drastic action Moonbeam’s….I have taken to setting the alarm for 5.30 am….I am walking around with a clip-board like a 1965 office secretary and AND…I’ve exercised the dog, showered, house-worked and had breakfast by 7pm….ready to set to work arting by 7.20am….

You may ask” Hey…Moonsparkle!…whatcha doing for those twenty minutes….because you haven’t mentioned anything about that…”

Well for those twenty minutes I’m doing all my procrastinating for the day.  Meaningful Procrastination I call it.  I’m thinking of teaching classes about  it.  Maybe.  Next term….or…next year.  Not sure.

Yes ok fine…you can stop laughing now….

Thing is….is seem’s to be working!….Ok so I also take another 20 min break in the early arvo and again in the late afternoon then I do another hour of work then I sign off for the day with waaay more work done so…I am free to do what I like!!!  I can procrastinate till I fall asleep and oh my star’s I bloody well do!!

Anyhoo  I have to go and do productive, life enhancing stuff now….strict schedule in-all folk’s…you know how is….but give it a twirl!….Conscious Procrastinating….(note…being close to a window to stare out of it for at least 5 of those precious minute’s is a condition)….and no doodling when you pencil your Procrasty time into your diary ok??! Until next time my love’s….toodles!  xxxx

Coming out from behind my mushroom….

I use to wish that Willy Wonker was my Uncle and that Mad was my Dad and that I would watch them hang out eating freakazoid chocolate’s and drinking singing- tea and having the most off-the wall conversation’s.  I still do….imagine that….mawwww….bless.

I love quirky rad people…. artist’s ,ranter’s raver’s trailblazer’s and everything outside and in-between. I don’t like power -tripping -meany -outside-the-octagon people but I adore the harmless crazy cat’s of all society’s who contribute their original baby-rainbow’s of I-Yam-What-I-Yam self expression to us, under this earthly sky….They don’t hold back…they release…they expel, let flow!!!!…..and because of this I bet they don’t need as much fiber in their diet. Ew. Enough already.

I have always been described as ‘unusual’….’quirky’….’bit eccentric that one’….and quite frankly….I’m really rather proud of those sticker’s….they aren’t sleep inducing sticker’s….they have life in them …so I will quite happily wear them around my being until I die at 103…dressed in a pair of zesty unicorn p.j’s on a hammock in the forest with Kate Bush wuthering-on…STILL about Heathcliff in the background.

Thing is though….I am aware that…I still hold back.  I still edit, tone-down, curb my edge’s and urge’s. Don’t want to though!!….I want to sit in my bone’s and present them….even MORE authentically….I’m still a bit bull-shitty here and there and it annoy’s me about me. Must be the upbringing’s conditioning of sssshhhhh still lurking around….not sure….will ponder.  Less isn’t fricken more it’s LESS….I want MORE.  More of all the stuff that we take with us when we beam up, not the stuff n stuff we leave….like shampoo .  Huh? Nevermind.

I’m going to have a week of being conscious of being MORE in my moment’s…. should the desire sweep over.  Smiling A LOT at people. I shall be talking to myself AND talking back.  Painting with MORE gusto….creating with more intensity and pop….being me TOTALLY unconditionally….a week of wide-eyed-wonderment. Bring….. IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Be bold moonbeam’s….be BOLD.xxxxxxxxxxxx

I KNOW YOU GET ME…EVEN WHEN I DONT GET ME…XX

We have em…those day’s…the wobbly-un-co-unsure-footed-hyper-sensitive-what-the-fudge-days where your just holding it together as you zig-zag from one thing to the next feeling like your going to implode into a thousand  spikey particles should you attempt to take another step…

You tell yourself…’ok …come on love…pull yourself together’ or ‘calm your farm’ or ‘take five’ ‘take a breather’ ‘take some caffenine….a cake….a nap…a headache pill…make a list of positive affirmations…. Good!….Good idea!…where’s a pen?? Oh for goodness sake’s you dont have a pen??? You always have a pen! Oh forget the list then!!! What were you thinking leaving the house without your pen and your dignity !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??

Yes…well that there, right above, is an example of one of my….’those day’s’ day’s and the un-charming self- talk that goes on. And on. And on….until I fall into bed at night stiffer than an ironing-board with my brain frying inside my head like an egg left too long on a skillet pan.

I came to the conclusion that I am a person who keeps to herself on those day’s…very aware of the fact that I don’t feel that I can ‘put my stuff, my skew-wiffy energy ‘onto’ another person…but you know what?  That’s just silly.  It wasn’t working for me.

Some people can decide to set to a task on their own to change their mind and the course of the day and it works as quick as match, to light the way forward into changing their vibe of the day. Not for me…..

I need someone.  To talk to me. Even for like five minutes.  Hey and I don’t even have to wax-on about my tricky day or how yuck I’m feeling or any of that….I just need to go to a ‘go-to’ pal and to listen to them talk about well…..anything…anything at all it doesn’t matter because instantly…..within second’s…I feel better….purified. Un- craycrayed.  Not so intensio-so.  Human, rather than a manic flying tumble weed  full of teeth and popping eyes…..

You forget that there are people in the world that love and care about you on those day’s. They LOVE you and they don’t want to see you all twisty and sad and they are MORE than willing to talk to you or to tell you a corny knock-knock joke that’s so bad and old-school that it actually makes you laugh.  So Moonbeam’s….please don’t go through your day all funky and lost-teddy-bear…that hurt’s too much. Remember to call your ‘go to’…and remember….you are safe….oh yeah and did I mention….fricken PERFECT….even on the ‘those day’s’…..xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Superherowrestlerdude

There is a dude (a totally cool dude) who lives in my community who dresses like a superherowrestler. I have never seen him in jeans and a t-shirt…he is always wearing his own creation’s. I was waiting for a bus the other day and he came and sat down next to me and we had the most awesome conversation about self-expression and the weather elements and art and food and quills and writing poetry…then he announced that he had decided to go to the library so bid me a farewell, swooped and swished his cape and left…billowing down the street then vanishing into thin air (ok so he turned right and disappeared…I lied about the last bit.)

He is such a happy, articulate man…well spoken with a chilled-out peaceful vibe…it was such a pleasure to of had a chatter with him…the fact that he was dressed in a long glorious cape, gloves up to his elbow’s and pointy boots with lightening bolts and the biggest belt with belt-buckle that I have ever seen…made it even more unusual and wonderful and refreshing.

In the fifteen minutes we chatted…yep….driver’s drove by and looked…people walked by and looked…and I thought about it later…that pretty much everyone looked the same way….the furrowed brow of confusion/interest and the half-smile and the tilt of the head…furrow, half-smile, tilt…the ‘what the?’ look…it was everywhere.

Every now and  then my new friend (I never asked his name, he never mentioned it), would say a perky and yet peaceful sounding ‘Goodmorning!’ to a passer-by and it seemed to be( for most anyhoo) a furrow-half-smile-tilt -evaporator….’oh…goodmorning…’ most people replied back instantly…a few others just looked down or away or continued on by with the half-smile without the ‘good-morning’ returned.

I’m not going to make a comment on what I have written above…human nature is what it is… but I will say that there are people in this world who dress in jeans and a t-shirt and are superhero’s in life and there are even some people who are superhero’s in life and choose to dress outwardly as superhero’s when they get up in the morning…and I think that THAT is fricken awesome…. I wish him a happy life with all my heart xxxxxxxxxx

Stars Apart in the Galaxy of Oneness

Sometimes you can say things to a dear-one and YOU believe that in that moment…that you are telling the truth.  You also perhaps take a good chunk of time to think BEFORE you speak and you then spend a day or two constructing and preparing with great care the right words so as to (hopefully) strike an honest balance between ‘speaking YOUR truth’ and being sensitive to the loved-ones feelings simultaneously. You pray on it, then you say what you want to say to the loved-one…then it all turns into a big, angry, hot, septic, high-voltage…..mess.  The loved-one feels attacked, YOU feel completely misinterpreted and attacked back, you try to explain….but the loved-one is sooo deeply offended or hurt or confused or all three and more….that…for ‘the time being’ no resolution it seems can be found and the silence that then falls after an emotional battle…or any kind of battle on this planet…ring’s loud-in-void in your ear, run’s sad, helpless blood through your veins and makes your heart beat tears.  IT SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS WHEN THIS HAPPENS IN LIFE WITH SOMEONE THAT AT THE END OF THE DAY AND NIGHT AND TIME….YOU LOVE WITH ALL YOUR SOUL-HEART.

I don’t know Moonbeams what I am going to do or how I am going to fix this situation.  I have chanted and prayed about it and I got..’.just leave it for now and send yourself, the loved-one and the situation itself love and flowers and angels and light.’..so I am going with that particular flow of Heavenly advice for now….letting myself feel whatever it is that comes up…but always making a conscious spiritual choice to end any thoughts about this….in LOVE.

Sometimes two people…just need a little time apart…its tough…you miss em…you want to fix it all up and get back to hanging out.  Do I regret saying what I wanted to say that day?…No…I NEEDED to speak my truth in the name of my own journey…I just didn’t expect nor intend for one minute this level of fall-out…oh well…I guess you get that.  Anyway my little moon-boots…I’m sending you lot’s of sparkles of zesty color-pop’s and I will let you know how I go….Have an exceptional full-moon night of happiness.xxx