Hi Moonbeams. So I am still in the in-between. Living out of the suitcase. Still trying to find a nest for The Angel Child and myself. Grateful for the thing’s I DO have though at the beginning and at the end of each day. I am experiencing a lot of block’s….there isn’t ‘flow’ flowing….and um…that I am figuring that that is down to me with a little ‘wait a minute’ thrown in there from The Universe…
Where I am staying there is a cat. Poor poppet…she was a feral rescue cat and she has the personality of a Tasmanian Devil. She’s cute when she’s asleep kinda thing. I call her Happy. When you name a thing sometimes miracles can happen etc etc. Anyhoo…in the room I am in…that has 942 of my belongings piled in with me….there is the bed in the far corner. She has taken to sleeping on it…and um…throws her jaw open and spits and hisses whenever I get near. She usually sleeps on the top of the bed but this morning I went to get a cup of tea then came back to bedroom, threw the cover back and she launched herself at me like….well….something that was NOT ‘happy’. On another occasion she stood behind the net curtain on the window sill looking like the Bride of Frankenstein…I thought she looked quite beautiful and the sound that she was able to produce without moving her lip’s moved me, in as much as…that I felt compelled to leave the room post haste. Last night my little dog and I were sleeping…(yes we managed to claim the bed! Happy wasn’t there! Oh the relief!!) I was dozing off turned over and her shadow was this time on the outside of the window back-lit by the street-light’s…The song Memories from Cat’s came to mind…perhaps sung by Marilyn Manson rather than Elaine Page….
My point is…through all this transition and all the icky roller-coastery bit’s that go with, Happy the cat has made me laugh. As scare-bear as she is she claim’s her life and her position with the utmost of all certainty….she makes her boundaries CLEAR and….has a gift for creatively coming up with how to scare the beejeez out of me two or three times a day… I wont forget her when I’ve gone…even though I am sure she will be pleased to see the back of me and my side-kick canine….blessssssssss.xx
I’ve taken drastic action Moonbeam’s….I have taken to setting the alarm for 5.30 am….I am walking around with a clip-board like a 1965 office secretary and AND…I’ve exercised the dog, showered, house-worked and had breakfast by 7pm….ready to set to work arting by 7.20am….
You may ask” Hey…Moonsparkle!…whatcha doing for those twenty minutes….because you haven’t mentioned anything about that…”
Well for those twenty minutes I’m doing all my procrastinating for the day. Meaningful Procrastination I call it. I’m thinking of teaching classes about it. Maybe. Next term….or…next year. Not sure.
Yes ok fine…you can stop laughing now….
Thing is….is seem’s to be working!….Ok so I also take another 20 min break in the early arvo and again in the late afternoon then I do another hour of work then I sign off for the day with waaay more work done so…I am free to do what I like!!! I can procrastinate till I fall asleep and oh my star’s I bloody well do!!
Anyhoo I have to go and do productive, life enhancing stuff now….strict schedule in-all folk’s…you know how is….but give it a twirl!….Conscious Procrastinating….(note…being close to a window to stare out of it for at least 5 of those precious minute’s is a condition)….and no doodling when you pencil your Procrasty time into your diary ok??! Until next time my love’s….toodles! xxxx
I use to wish that Willy Wonker was my Uncle and that Mad was my Dad and that I would watch them hang out eating freakazoid chocolate’s and drinking singing- tea and having the most off-the wall conversation’s. I still do….imagine that….mawwww….bless.
I love quirky rad people…. artist’s ,ranter’s raver’s trailblazer’s and everything outside and in-between. I don’t like power -tripping -meany -outside-the-octagon people but I adore the harmless crazy cat’s of all society’s who contribute their original baby-rainbow’s of I-Yam-What-I-Yam self expression to us, under this earthly sky….They don’t hold back…they release…they expel, let flow!!!!…..and because of this I bet they don’t need as much fiber in their diet. Ew. Enough already.
I have always been described as ‘unusual’….’quirky’….’bit eccentric that one’….and quite frankly….I’m really rather proud of those sticker’s….they aren’t sleep inducing sticker’s….they have life in them …so I will quite happily wear them around my being until I die at 103…dressed in a pair of zesty unicorn p.j’s on a hammock in the forest with Kate Bush wuthering-on…STILL about Heathcliff in the background.
Thing is though….I am aware that…I still hold back. I still edit, tone-down, curb my edge’s and urge’s. Don’t want to though!!….I want to sit in my bone’s and present them….even MORE authentically….I’m still a bit bull-shitty here and there and it annoy’s me about me. Must be the upbringing’s conditioning of sssshhhhh still lurking around….not sure….will ponder. Less isn’t fricken more it’s LESS….I want MORE. More of all the stuff that we take with us when we beam up, not the stuff n stuff we leave….like shampoo . Huh? Nevermind.
I’m going to have a week of being conscious of being MORE in my moment’s…. should the desire sweep over. Smiling A LOT at people. I shall be talking to myself AND talking back. Painting with MORE gusto….creating with more intensity and pop….being me TOTALLY unconditionally….a week of wide-eyed-wonderment. Bring….. IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Be bold moonbeam’s….be BOLD.xxxxxxxxxxxx
We have em…those day’s…the wobbly-un-co-unsure-footed-hyper-sensitive-what-the-fudge-days where your just holding it together as you zig-zag from one thing to the next feeling like your going to implode into a thousand spikey particles should you attempt to take another step…
You tell yourself…’ok …come on love…pull yourself together’ or ‘calm your farm’ or ‘take five’ ‘take a breather’ ‘take some caffenine….a cake….a nap…a headache pill…make a list of positive affirmations…. Good!….Good idea!…where’s a pen?? Oh for goodness sake’s you dont have a pen??? You always have a pen! Oh forget the list then!!! What were you thinking leaving the house without your pen and your dignity !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??
Yes…well that there, right above, is an example of one of my….’those day’s’ day’s and the un-charming self- talk that goes on. And on. And on….until I fall into bed at night stiffer than an ironing-board with my brain frying inside my head like an egg left too long on a skillet pan.
I came to the conclusion that I am a person who keeps to herself on those day’s…very aware of the fact that I don’t feel that I can ‘put my stuff, my skew-wiffy energy ‘onto’ another person…but you know what? That’s just silly. It wasn’t working for me.
Some people can decide to set to a task on their own to change their mind and the course of the day and it works as quick as match, to light the way forward into changing their vibe of the day. Not for me…..
I need someone. To talk to me. Even for like five minutes. Hey and I don’t even have to wax-on about my tricky day or how yuck I’m feeling or any of that….I just need to go to a ‘go-to’ pal and to listen to them talk about well…..anything…anything at all it doesn’t matter because instantly…..within second’s…I feel better….purified. Un- craycrayed. Not so intensio-so. Human, rather than a manic flying tumble weed full of teeth and popping eyes…..
You forget that there are people in the world that love and care about you on those day’s. They LOVE you and they don’t want to see you all twisty and sad and they are MORE than willing to talk to you or to tell you a corny knock-knock joke that’s so bad and old-school that it actually makes you laugh. So Moonbeam’s….please don’t go through your day all funky and lost-teddy-bear…that hurt’s too much. Remember to call your ‘go to’…and remember….you are safe….oh yeah and did I mention….fricken PERFECT….even on the ‘those day’s’…..xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I’ve cut for you a mirror from
a pheasant feather quill
It hangs upon my
Please? Will you render still?
I sit inside this looking glass
lived here for many year’s
Sleeping under parchment sheets
shedding ink-stained tears
I don’t blame the highwayman
nor the angle of the moon
I wrote MYSELF unwritten
Laid to rest Miss Nom de Plume
Now you stand before me
an anonymous reflection
bringing with you all I need
to usher in redemption
This bird once mute and
clipped from flight
now trill’s and contemplate’s new heights!
This Princess trapped twixt
book and shelf
decline’s rescue and
This woman of complexity
believe’s in serendipity
in angel’s, veil’s and galaxies..
the world beneath her pen
I cut for you a mirror
now it’s time for us to part
Your silent observation has made-beat my Poet’s Heart…