I am so darn happy I could go to a forest and hug sixty tree’s! Whoa there Tonto….wait…I did already!
I am not a one-way-or-no-way kinda being….I have a HUGE respect for the big ol wide gambit of ALL creature’s…everything under the Sun and Moon and everything beyond them….whoever you are…whatever you believe in…I am only ever going to come at ya in LOVE. If your a mean person who does mean thing’s intentionally to creature’s then I am not going to align myself with you but I will always ask the Universe…ALL the Higher Power’s to ‘go to you now’ to give you Medicine….in which ever way ‘they’ see fit…I will always pray ‘For the Highest Good of ALL’…if I don’t understand, if I am confused to the point of numbness…then I have to ‘hand it over and UP’….in the name of Love.
I have stopped falling down the rabbit-hole…those last few months….ew!…ME NOT LIKE! Well lets face it…change is always only going to be comfortable or wet-socks kinda torrential… Well in that case I had wet hair, wet pants, and mascara melted into my cheek-bones…my heart was all raw and weepy and when I looked into the mirror I saw like a 100 year old Death-Metal-Band- member version of my Mother starring back at me…(you know what I mean Ma…stress is a tad aging and um….visually concerning.)
I really am in a new Wonderland…feeling much better and then some! Not wanting to blow my own pan-pipe or anything but the other day a sparrow flew onto my lap in the forest and stayed there twittering beautifully to me for like 45 seconds or so…as he hopped up and down my legs two Fan-Tails fluttered with gusto about my head!…I was hoping that the tree in front of me would take -on an Ent-like disposition and start dancing with me to a Florence And The Machine track but I was more than happy with the bird who mistook me for Snow White.
The photo is me…and this palm-to-palm pose is what I do now when…I need to focus and be grateful…to give thank’s and to set an intention. Yep I went through an ew-patch but….its passed…they always do sweety’s…and hey I know there will be another tricky time in the future…that ‘s the ol life-trip deal…but for now I am thankful for The Lesson…LIFE IS MAGICAL…and I’m flowing with The Go….xxx
I am soooo grateful to that retrograde storm that crashed through my life a few weeks back. I felt the Goddess Kali around me like a cruel-to-be-kind Mother she came in shrilling, tongue out, eyes glaring telling me to WAKE UP CHILD! WAKE UP FROM YOUR IGNORANT SLEEP! AWAKEN AT ONCE! She demonstrates no mercy when she wants you to see what she wants you to see…I remember going to the mirror in my bathroom and looking deep into my eyes and gasping….I saw ‘the truth’ staring back at me…it was almost like an out-of-body type of thing, I had split into two, I was looking at myself as another person…it was one of the most surreal moments of my life….it was almost like my soul, my Higher Self was staring back at Tracey the Human Being and in that moment I was confronted by all that I had created for her in this lifetime….the good the bad and the otherwise. I was hiding. Hiding behind the day-to-day stuff, ‘acting’ as if everything was just peachy. I heard Freddy Mercury sing out “Oh yes I’m the great pretender….’ on the radio a day or two before my ‘awakening’ and I had to turn it off as the anger it brought up in me…..it was so telling.
I have packed a bag and left a thing. I have left an energy not akin to the essence of my own. I have put the lie down called it a lesson and walked away with my head to the sun even though my heart felt battered and bruised by a darkened night…a mis-guided chapter or two that I had purposely written in secret invisible ink.
There are people today who have limited or no freedom to choose….there are people on our earth today who are too afraid to make a decision for their highest good and so tonight will close their eyes and awaken to the same reality tomorrow. I am so conscious of these human being’s at this time….they are in my thoughts and prayers 24/7 it seems…I am so blessed to be in the position of choice, reflection and healing….I am so blessed to have friends. I am so blessed. I remember getting a class full of children to show me what freedom looked like and they all just started laughing and twirling and rolling on the floor and tickling and hugging each other. Beautiful.xxxx
I use to wish that Willy Wonker was my Uncle and that Mad was my Dad and that I would watch them hang out eating freakazoid chocolate’s and drinking singing- tea and having the most off-the wall conversation’s. I still do….imagine that….mawwww….bless.
I love quirky rad people…. artist’s ,ranter’s raver’s trailblazer’s and everything outside and in-between. I don’t like power -tripping -meany -outside-the-octagon people but I adore the harmless crazy cat’s of all society’s who contribute their original baby-rainbow’s of I-Yam-What-I-Yam self expression to us, under this earthly sky….They don’t hold back…they release…they expel, let flow!!!!…..and because of this I bet they don’t need as much fiber in their diet. Ew. Enough already.
I have always been described as ‘unusual’….’quirky’….’bit eccentric that one’….and quite frankly….I’m really rather proud of those sticker’s….they aren’t sleep inducing sticker’s….they have life in them …so I will quite happily wear them around my being until I die at 103…dressed in a pair of zesty unicorn p.j’s on a hammock in the forest with Kate Bush wuthering-on…STILL about Heathcliff in the background.
Thing is though….I am aware that…I still hold back. I still edit, tone-down, curb my edge’s and urge’s. Don’t want to though!!….I want to sit in my bone’s and present them….even MORE authentically….I’m still a bit bull-shitty here and there and it annoy’s me about me. Must be the upbringing’s conditioning of sssshhhhh still lurking around….not sure….will ponder. Less isn’t fricken more it’s LESS….I want MORE. More of all the stuff that we take with us when we beam up, not the stuff n stuff we leave….like shampoo . Huh? Nevermind.
I’m going to have a week of being conscious of being MORE in my moment’s…. should the desire sweep over. Smiling A LOT at people. I shall be talking to myself AND talking back. Painting with MORE gusto….creating with more intensity and pop….being me TOTALLY unconditionally….a week of wide-eyed-wonderment. Bring….. IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Be bold moonbeam’s….be BOLD.xxxxxxxxxxxx