Hi Moonbeam’s. First of all I love you. Too intense to begin with? Well I’m not going to say sorry and take it back…you will just have to deal with me giving you a cyber lovey dovey love squeeze…feel the glitter-ball’s and multi-color stream’s of the dry-ice machine swirling around you…from me…to you.
The thing is…I haven’t been giving MYSELF enough fantasia-swirl’s lately…I don’t know whether it’s just my 3rd mid-life crisis trying to scratch her banshee way through the bathroom window of my mind, or a weird no-longer-a-maiden-not-quite-the-crone betwixyness thing poking my ear but….I am sweet one day, sour the next, spicy then tart, bitter then syrupy….a schitzy buffet of cray cray Shontay then John Lennon Zen. Am I being kind to myself? Um…yeah. Am I ‘looking after’ myself? Um…yeah…ish. Ok so define ‘looking after oneself’….Mmmmmmmm….Sleeping enough, eating and excercising everyday to the best of one’s ability, making ENOUGH time for ritual, chanting,praying, grounding, performing random act’s of kindness, socializing, getting enough laughter in the belly, doing one thing a week that is new or creatively a little different outside the realm’s of same same? Mmmmmm….so yup….now I see why I’ve been a snappy puppy. I haven’t been being WITH myself enough. I have been STEALING moment’s…..that’s not……….working for me. I’ve had a big OUT OF ORDER sign stuck to my back for two week’s and I didn’t even know that it was there…until last night when I woke up tearful…needing to crawl onto someone’s lap…well…my dog was there….snoring like a pirate post several nip’s of rum…but…mmm…I left him to it and tried to climb into my own lap but that REALLY doesn’t work so I hugged my pillow. (Jeeez).
So…good. I thought something TERRIBLE was wrong with me but as it turn’s out it’s actually just a case of ME not hanging out enough with the MYSELF and the I enough. I figured it out…and that’s pretty dam groovey because I can now DO something about it. In day’s of old this would of gone on for week’s…even month’s. I am self-aware again…how snazzy. I’m going to pour myself a wine and drink to my own reflection…aahhh why not..she’s my oldest and dearest friend when all is said and done xx